An Introduction to Discerning Invitations

3/9/21

Dear friend,

I lead a community that uses the language of invitation a lot.

One of our weekly rituals, for example, creates space for us to notice the invitations we're currently tending in our lives and to name the intention we'd like to bring to them in the week ahead.

More than a few times, members of the community have asked me about this language of invitation.

"How do I know what an invitation is?" they'll ask. "What does it look like, and how do I know whether to say yes or no to it?"

Here's where discernment gets real in our lives.

We've been talking about some of the tenets of discernment lately: noticing our past moments of decision, the spiritual dimension of discernment (part 1 and part 2), and the role of data in discernment.

Once we understand some of these tenets of discernment and how it looks in our lives, then we hit moments—they can be large or small ones—that invite our actual discernment.

This, my friend, is when we're encountering invitations.

For example:

• You're on the phone with someone in your family who wants you to take a particular action in the family. Is that action yours to take?
  

• You notice your core friendships keep hitting a similar road block, dead end, or conflict. What's happening here, and what's your invitation in it?
  

• Something's happening in the workplace that bumps up against your core values. What's your invitation in response to the situation?
  

• You're noticing changes in your spiritual life. What used to speak doesn't speak anymore, or what you thought you believed isn't ringing true in your core. What is the invitation?

These are just a few examples of what it can look like to be presented with an invitation. Then discernment begins. And here's where having our language of discernment available to us—what we've learned it looks like in our life—can be so helpful and foundational to our ability to respond to what's being presented to us.

I think of invitations as falling into two categories:

1. The invitations that cross our path on a daily basis.
   
   We're presented with invitations all the time—things or people who want our attention, our assent, our participation, our yes. (The first example in the bulleted list above is an example of this.)
   
   But just because something crosses our path doesn't mean it gets our yes.
   
   Think of it like receiving an invitation to some event in the mail. You learn what the event is, you check your calendar, you weigh whether it's something you can or want to do, and then you decide yes, no, or maybe.
   
   When invitations cross our path in life, discernment is involved. It's the kind of discernment that helps you know if the invitation you've received will get a response of yes or no from you.
   
   

2. The invitations that get our yes.
   
   You could say this is the second-level invitation space. You've discerned what crossed your path is for you—and then you begin the process of living into it.
   
   These invitations become ones we travel with, usually (if they're big things) for a longish time. Living into something takes time, intention, and attention. These are invitations that ask for regular tending.

When you consider the question, "What invitations am I tending right now?," then, you might think in terms of these two categories: the ones being presented to you that are still awaiting your yes or no, and the ones that have already received your yes and are needing your intention and attention—your tending—as you live into them.

Would it be helpful to think more deeply about these two categories? I hope so, because that's where we're going next.

Over the next few weeks, we'll look at how your way of discernment can help you consider invitations in the first category and then what it can look like to bring intention and attention to the invitations you're tending in the second category.

I'm looking forward to it.

Yours in discerning invitations,
Christianne